


The U.S. Air Force Discrepancy

by MxGryffindorOtaku



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: ((that last tag was dedicated to Morg, America's glasses, Banjos, Crack, I thought that was funnier than I should have, I'm sorry I'm drunk on hot chocolate right now and not properly able to do the taggy thing, Oh god where do I start?, Oh wait one more, Possibly crack?, Selena Gomez - Freeform, The General Assembly!, also America is kinda smart but also a dope, bored af nations, idk anymore man, justin beiber, kangaroos, lol I sound Canadian, lol general ass, no yaoi, okay I'm done now sorry, okay now i'm done, okay we're good, selena gomez and justin beiber are not mentioned in relation to each other, sorry eh?, that was a thing at some point right?, that's what I was supposed to say!, the General Ass, there is no General Ass)), wtf even is my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 09:50:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10001804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MxGryffindorOtaku/pseuds/MxGryffindorOtaku
Summary: There’s a rule in the U.S. Air Force. And a highly abided by rule at that. But America seems like he’s the only exception to that rule…





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ciao! Hi! Salut! So I wrote this because if there's one character trait from Hetalia that drives more insane than it should, it's the fact that America wears glasses. So I know what you're thinking, 'Wow, Ms. G.O. that's really dumb.' But it's not! Because he's also in the U.S. Air Force! And the U.S. Air Force requires people to NOT be blind AF. Or at all. So here is this fic to help me sleep at night.
> 
> Merci to my beta MorganTheRaverin for being *Prussia voice* AWESOME and putting up with my bullshit.  
> Enjoy, s'il te plaît! ((you guys are we close enough for me to use te/tu?? *puppy dog eyes*))
> 
> Also: I don't own Hetalia. If I did, it would be a lot more is historical and a lot less entertaining.

The realization all started with a game. It was a very simple game on principle; all a nation had to do to win was steal the glasses off America’s face. It’s worth noting that this game was thought up in the midst of  _ unbearable _ boredom. And this game, thought up by the bored international community, proved to be much more difficult than expected.  _ Much _ more difficult.

One would never notice a certain tendency unless one were attempting to interfere with that tendency. Take, for a relevant example, Alfred’s glasses. No one had noticed before the game, but the blonde had a tendency to lean his head on his hand and grip the arm of his glasses with his middle and pointer fingers when he was sitting at his seat.

The more you know.

So this added a little bit of excitement to the game, seeing as how the object was to get Alfred’s glasses off his nose without his realizing until it was too late.

When he wasn’t sitting at his seat, but standing at the podium speaking, he pushed his glasses up with his middle finger at least twice every thirty seconds. The challenge of the task increased.

Another thing worth noting: the General Assembly of the United Nations was fully aware of the patheticness of their game. But they were so incredibly bored that they ran out of fucks to give. So, what I’m trying to say here is that the international community  _ was _ completely capable of finding excitement in things other than their game.

Although, it became quite entertaining when Oz attempted to bring a kangaroo into United Nations Headquarters to distract Alfred long enough for someone to take his glasses.  _ How _ he managed to get a kangaroo from Australia, through U.S. airport customs and security, and as far as the meeting room door was beyond the entire world, but I digress. Afterwards, the game seemed to turn into a challenge of who could distract Alfred the longest and allow another to sneak up and steal the glasses.

Alfred, for his part, seemed to remain wholly unaware of the game, though he was essentially the ball.

Germany, Prussia, and Hungary came the closest during a General Assembly meeting on a hot summer day. The air conditioning system was blasting, but it seemed to do little to alleviate the heat of the room as it pressed on the nations, driving them to shed jacket, ties, dress shirts, shoes, and socks.

The meeting consisted of little more than Canada, Russia, and England bitching at America about the weather. The two former of the three bitching because they weren’t used to the heat and the latter bitching simply because he felt like it. Of course there was also the usual sexual tension, increased by the fact that most of the male nations were completely topless.

The Germanic plan went like this: Gilbert would say something sexist and offensive while conversing with Alfred. Eliza would then storm over from wherever she happened to be and demand that Gilbert repeat the phrase to her face. Gilbert would decline and Eliza would round on Alfred, asking him to tell her what Gilbert said. Alfred- the Germanics knew- would flounder, caught between repeating the offensive phrase and displeasing the Hungarian woman. During this event, Ludwig would sneak up behind Alfred, slip the glasses off of his face, and present them to the world.

The plan fell apart when Gilbert, too intimidated and scared by Eliza, repeated the phrase after being asked only twice.

Still, it was a valiant effort.

As time progressed and the game went on, the distractions got more and more entertaining and annoying. At one point Matthew had decided to distract his southern brother by playing godawful Justin Bieber music at full volume over the meeting room’s speakers.

At some other point, the entire General Assembly sans America got together to see if they could all team up to distract the hyper-active nation and steal his glasses. When they put their heads together, they ended up thinking of a crazy, half-witted, nearly impossible plan involving several more of Oz’s kangaroos, a banjo, and Selena Gomez, among other things.

The realization happened in that very pseudo meeting, actually. They were all laughing about their ridiculous, impossible plan when someone- Mexico maybe?- suggested somehow getting the U.S. Air Force involved.

That sparked a conversation about said branch of the military and how it just  _ had _ to be Alfred’s favorite, if his signature bomber jacket was anything to go by. But then they got to thinking, well some of them. Thinking about and remembering things that were required by the Air Force and whatnot. And it was at that point when France shot up out of his seat with a startled “Ah!”

“I daresay, Frog! What is it?”

“ _ Matthieu _ , how blind is your brother without his glasses?”

“Eh? Well I don’t know, Papa… I’d say pretty blind.”

“ _ Mais _ … That makes no sense!” Francis fretted about, leaving the others to simply wonder what on  _ Earth _ he was on about. Until it dawned on the rest of them as well.

The realization was this: The United States Air Force requires that pilots have perfect vision in order to serve. With absolutely no exceptions whatsoever. The problem was this: If Matthew was indeed correct about his brother’s vision, then Alfred would not have been able to serve in his own Air Force.

So the game changed again. The object was no longer to simply acquire the American’s glasses, but also to find out their prescription.

Once again, they were  _ very _ bored during meetings.

So the game went on, heightened by the fact that Alfred was possibly breaking his own rules to… do whatever it was he did when he was serving with the Air Force. 

What the General Assembly didn’t know, among other things, was that Alfred thought their game was hilarious. Yes, of course he knew about it. First off, he was smarter than he looked and second, he had cameras installed in literally every room of the United Nations Headquarters building. What? It was  _ his _ building!

And to that effect, he also knew about their confusion regarding that little Air Force rule.

The one who actually ended up winning the game was Japan.  _ What _ he won, nobody knew, but he  _ did _ win. Here’s how it went down: Ludwig had arranged for a particularly boring and dry speech that day, so over half of the people in the room were drifting in and out of various stages of sleep. Alfred was one such person, though he happened to fall more into the category of ‘sleeping like a log’ than drifting in and out of sleep.

Kiku, who was sitting next to the sleeping blonde, took this opportunity to grab the glasses by the bridge and slide them off of their owner’s nose. He then held them high up above his head so the rest of the General Assembly could see them. The next series of events was actually rather entertaining.

Ludwig stopped his speech mid-word and began to applaud. This noise shook the rest of the General Assembly out of their sleep-like trances, at which point they all began to applaud Kiku as well. Alfred, it seemed, was still asleep.

But the game wasn’t over yet, as Kiku still had to find out if Alfred actually needed them or not. So he put them on his own face. And… immediately scrabbled to take them back off in a state of panic.

“ _ Nani?! _ ”

“Whatever is the matter, Kiku?”

“They made my vision really awful, is all,” he closed his eyes, put them back on, and then, with extreme trepidation, opened his eyes again and looked around. Or at least tried to look around. The world to him was nothing more than a collection of fuzzy, colored blobs. He sighed and took them off. Perhaps it would simply be easier if the General Assembly  _ asked _ Alfred what his prescription was. Before any of them could do so, however, Alfred’s arm snapped out, he snatched his glasses from Kiku’s hands, and he pushed them back onto his nose.

“You’re gonna go blind if you keep doin’ that,” he muttered sleepily, head still on the table and eyes still closed. He smiled. “It sure as hell took y’all a long ass time to finish your game.”

“You git! You knew about the game?”

Alfred sat up with a stretch and a yawn. “Oh calm down, Iggy. Y’all aren’t exactly what I would call  _ subtle _ . The kangaroos were funny though, Oz.” He looked at Kiku. “So whaddya win?”

“Uh… nothing?”

Alfred booed.

“So, Alfred,” Ivan started. “If you knew about our game, perhaps you knew about our confusion as well?”

Alfred hummed happily and bobbed his head.

“So… what’s the deal?”

“I don’t need my glasses to see-”

“Then why did  _ my _ vision get all blurry when I put them on?”

“I need them to  _ not _ see.”

“That doesn’t make any bleeding sense,” Arthur deadpanned.

Alfred slipped his glasses off again and proceed to ask Libya, who was on the other side of the room, to hold up however many fingers she’d like. She frowned and held up three.

He, without squinting or a moment’s hesitation, rattled off, “You’re holding up three fingers: middle, pointer, and ring on your right hand. You have a small callus at the base of your middle finger and you have a tiny mole on the base of your thumb. And now you’re looking at me like I grew another head.” He pushed his glasses back onto his nose and grinned. “I get headaches when I can see that well for long periods of time.”

So that was the game. And somehow, even though he wasn’t even playing, the General Assembly decided that Alfred had been the winner.

**Author's Note:**

> Well I hope you enjoyed putting up with my bullshit!  
> Leave a kudo or comment if you want. If you don't then don't, it's not like I actually care or anything. Tch. (((((Actually I do care, I need approval. "...that I feel completly vindicated in my hope and desire that I am a good person who deserves the love of others and the love of my self every second of every day.")))))  
> Elephants of love,  
> Ms. G.O.


End file.
